I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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