Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
