Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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