Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
