the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
