i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry about my life...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
