I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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