So drunk its hurt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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