Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
