a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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