his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
