So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
found the other keg... it's in the tree
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
