We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
