I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize