Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
