I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
