The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
