I seem to have left my pride at pride
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
