The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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