she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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