...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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