every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
