Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
