If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
