I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
