I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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