you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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