you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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