I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
