A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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