I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
