You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
