my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
