he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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