I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
