She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
