If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Michael Bay diarrhea
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
