Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize