after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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