Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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