I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize