that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
