wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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