I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
