TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
