i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
