margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
