Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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