marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My bed smells like the plague
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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