I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
