He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
