Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You smell like stripper and shame
he puts the penis in happiness.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
