i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
