please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
