I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
