im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
