So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
