i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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