So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I should be sponsored by Trojan
well you can't waste a boner
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize