ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
