Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
