Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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