It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
