I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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