I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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