my mouth tastes like poor choices
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
